I Remember
by TheArrowThatMissed
Summary: I remember the first time he asked me out. It was by owl, before our first ever Hogsmeade weekend. I never answered.


I own nothing

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I remember the first time he asked me out. It was by owl, before our first ever Hogsmeade weekend. I never answered.

I remember the second time he asked me out. We were listening to a charms lecture. He passed me a note, and I answered that we would talk about it. We never did.

I remember the third time he asked me out. I was rushing to breakfast and he stopped me in the halls. No one was around and his hand immediately went to his hair, I smiled at his nervousness. I said we should get to know each other better. We didn't.

I remember the tenth time he asked me out. It was before transfiguration at the beginning of our forth year. I just said no. It was the first time I hadn't given an excuse. I saw the hurt on his face, but it disappeared just as fast as it came.

I remember the twentieth time he asked me out. It was before our end of the year exams. He started asking me once a month. I asked him what was the point of being together one month and then breaking up before the summer started. He looked me straight in the eye and said 'That it's better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all.

I was dumfounded, first off by the hurt in his eyes, wasn't it just a game? And then he is a pureblood, how does he know who Shakespeare is? I watched him walk away, and I wanted to stop him but I couldn't.' What was I feeling?' I remember thinking.

He started making it a joke of asking me out. So I started screaming insults at him that I didn't mean. But I wasn't the only girl he asked out, oh no, he went through girls like normal people went through sweaters. He had a new one on his arm every other week.

I remember the thirtieth time he asked me out. It was before winter break. It was in the great hall at dinner, and I was sitting on the other end of the table. I yelled back at him that he should drown in the lake. Harsh I know but, once I staring yelling, I couldn't stop.

The fiftieth time was after our Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L. Sev was being hung in the air by him and he gave me an ultimatum. I said that I would rather date the Giant Squid. And then it happened. He had inadvertently ruined my friendship with Sev. So I blamed him, blamed him for not seeing what Sev was before it was too late. That way, maybe, when I heard his voice, my stomach wouldn't tingle but I would think about that time he made my oldest friend leave my life. Well that, I can tell you worked amazingly. In fact so amazingly that whenever I heard his voice, I thank him for making me realize what Sev turned into. 

I remember the sixtieth time he asked me out. It was mid December. I was finishing up my potions essay in the library. He sat down across from me and said a joke. I looked up and smiled at him. He seemed to like that because his grin got wider; it looked like his face was going to split. Then he asked me. I said we should get to know each other better. He stopped smiling and avoided my eyes for a moment and the said he would take me up on that offer. Then he said goodbye, using my first name, and walked off to his friends. He had deflated his head a little, but still asked me out incessantly. At least he didn't do it in front of crowds anymore.

I remember the sixtieth-first time he asked me out. It was Valentines Day, and he sent me a card, so I set off to find him. I did. He was crying in a corner of an abandoned passageway and when I got him to walk, I found out he was bleeding drunk. 'We're in sixth year,' I remember thinking. 'Where does he get the alcohol?'

I dragged him to Myrtle's bathroom and sat him down on the ground. We were in an odd position: facing each other, legs apart, his on top of mine. I ignored the tingling sensation that was being emitted from that point of contact. Something about Remus, he was a werewolf. Sev had implied it in fifth year, and I am not stupid I had known since second. And then something about his parents? They were dying of dragon pox. I didn't even know it was deadly and I asked him about it. He said they were really old.

We talked for awhile, and it turns out he wasn't drunk just miserable, and I saw why. Eventually we were on our backs laughing. I rolled over so I was kind of half-lying on him and his arms came around me. We stayed like that, I'm not to sure how long, but I didn't care, I was in heaven. Suddenly he sat up and pushed me off him roughly. When he spoke it was not slurred, but completely serious and a little harsh. That I was going to tell the whole school about Remus. I said that I had already known and he calmed down. He took me to the kitchens for dinner, since we had missed it.

And then nothing. Nothing for four weeks, one month, thirty-one days he did not talk to me. And he did not approach me. Another month, nothing. Then at the beginning of May, I was reading in the common room, and when I look up to see the time, there he was looking at me. I jumped violently realizing that he was sitting across from me.

I remember lecturing him about not sneaking up on me and he chuckled. He asked me how I was and I asked him about his parents. He looked away and whispered that they had passed away the month before, in their sleep, together. I didn't know what to say. I got up and sat down beside him and put my arms around him. He put his head on my shoulder and I asked him if he wanted to talk about it. We ended up in his dormitory talking about our parents. I told him about my mom passing away, in a car accident, when I was twelve. I remember sleeping in his bed that night, beside him.

I remember saying bye to him at the end of the year, on platform nine and three quarters. He kissed me on the cheek and thanked me. I said I would write to him and he smiled.

I remember the first thing I did when I got my Head Girl badge was owl him. He congratulated me and told me that he was made Head Boy, stating that Dumbledore 'was off his rocker'.

I remember meeting him on August tenth to discuss our Head duties and catch up. Afterward he invited me over for dinner. I called Petunia from a pay phone and told her I was going to be home late. When we got to his house he showed me around. House is a bad word to describe this living location, mansion would be better. When we got to the kitchen we saw Remus, Sirius and Peter eating a rather large turkey. I remember that night being the night I laughed so hard I could barely breathe the next day without wincing.

I remember being in a meeting with the prefects were he had taken charge. I remember not being able to take my eyes off him, and his lips. After the meeting, once everyone had left, I pushed him up against a wall and told him I was going to kiss him. He met me half way.

That's how it began; I didn't know what we were. We never really talked about it. We talked about everything else though: From our favorite ice cream to the wizarding war.

I remember him inviting me over for the winter break, and I remember accepting. Those two weeks were unforgettable.

Still no one knew about us except Sirius, whatever 'us' meant.

I remember my eighteenth birthday. He had planned a surprise party in the common room, the night before. I didn't even care that he was abusing his Head Boy privileges, he later teased me I was loosing my touch. Half way through the night I still hadn't spoken to him. I thanked the person I was talking to, and set off to find him. He wasn't anywhere. A voice, which I recognized as Sirius Black, whispered in my ear that he was upstairs and that he would cause a distraction. Sirius crossed the room and started to strip and I made a mad dash for the stairs. When I opened the door to the seventh year boys' dormitory I heard him say 'no Padfoot no matter how much you pay me, I am not going down there.'

I remember tip-toeing across the room and opening his bed curtains unceremoniously. He had been reading a book and at the disturbance look up. I climbed on top of him, chucked the book across the room and started to kiss him.

The next morning Remus decided to wake him and saw the two of us, limbs entwined, sleeping silently. He hadn't told anyone, but a fifth year saw me going up the stairs and added tow and two. Within a few hours of my first day as an eighteen year old the whole school knew about us, and were paying up bets they had made.

We never talked about it; we knew from the beginning. We were meant to be.

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Okay, I totally didn't mean to end it how I did. 


End file.
